THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MY MOTHER WAS AFRAID OF alternates between 2013, when I turned twenty and first began to question evangelical orthodoxy, and 2021, when an unexpected move back to my hometown of Boulder, Colorado, prompted a full-scale reckoning with my childhood indoctrination. I explore the legacy of late 20th century white evangelicalism, as expressed through youth groups, Christian media, and purity culture, and I capture my experience of self-repression in the name of devotion. The memoir’s central question is universal: What are we willing to give up to be good?

As a fervent adolescent, I kept falling for boys who weren’t Christian. As an adult, I married an atheist. And as a writer, I discovered that there is humor and insight to be mined even in the darkest corners of misogyny and internalized self-loathing. Finally, I ransomed myself back from white evangelical culture. Regardless of their personal history, readers will resonate with the themes of feminist self-discovery and personal transformation that power my narrative.

I hold an MFA in Writing from Pacific University and a BA in Biblical Studies from Gordon College. My writing has been published or is forthcoming in Write or Die magazine, the Offing, Psaltery & Lyre, Belmont Story Review, Full Stop, and elsewhere. In addition to memoir, personal essay, and humor, I write literary criticism focused on women’s experiences within faith communities. I serve as the executive editor for sneaker wave magazine and am part of the production team for PACT, a series of monthly online craft talks and author interviews.