Collection: “I Am Not the Worst,” 2020

This collection was featured as an installation work in the Holy Family Artist Collective exhibition, fall 2021.

Artist’s Statement: I use watercolor as a contemplative medium for affirmation. This large scale work—consisting of 20 original watercolors, inkjet printed onto cotton and sewn into five banners—is meant to create an immersive experience, such that the viewer feels enveloped in reminders of self-validation and self-worth.

These paintings are blatantly self-explanatory. Each one has arisen from wrestling with an internalized belief that insists on the contrary of what is painted: self-doubt that murmurs things like ‘what could you really have to offer,’ ‘who do you think you are, taking that risk, making this art,’ and, simply, ’you’re the worst.’ The volatile circumstances of the past year intensified my own struggle with anxiety and dramatically illuminated my tendency to think in binary terms: good or bad, now or never, failure or success. Watercoloring became a vital way to process toxic beliefs I had internalized about who I am and what I’m worth. 

This collection of paintings developed intuitively and organically, moving towards possibilities for transformation, nuance, and evolution. Printing the paintings on textiles evokes associations with women’s work, subtly recognizing how this extensive self-surveillance and self-critique is particularly reinforced in women through contradictory societal expectations. 

The uncompromising boldness of the statements is tempered by the presence of bright colors and whimsical flowers and flourishes. I love the juxtaposition of such visceral and personal statements paired with the seeming frivolity of the designs. Collectively, these paintings share a vibrant palette that evokes creativity, curiosity, and joy.